My Story

When I was 5 years old, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and answered with “I want to be a mother”. Almost 30 years later, I’m still trying to reach that goal.

When I was 25, I decided that if I haven’t met the right man by the time I was 35, I was going to have a baby on my own. Lucky for me, I met a wonderful man who is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  After a little over a year of being together, we decided we want to be parents.

I thought all I had to do was make that decision and I’d be a mother in less than a year…

Yeaaaah,  notsomuch!

Here’s our infertility timeline:

January 2011 – started trying and preparing to be a mother by the end of the year

April 2011 –  Hmm, this is taking a bit longer than I thought. Let’s try Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). OPKs confirm that I ovulate like clockwork on cycle day 14 or 15.

July 2011 – Start to panic. BF isn’t concerned in the least, “sometimes it takes a while” is his response to my panic.

August 2011 – Now in full-blown panic mode and convinced something is wrong. Make an appointment with an RE.

November 2011 – Entire month of being tested like crazy – HSG, cycle monitoring, ultrasounds… let’s say I developed a special relationship with ‘the wand’. Everything comes back just fine. Instead of calming my fears, this actually makes me more nervous. Not knowing is always harder than knowing what is wrong.

December 2011 – RE suggests explanatory surgery to determine if I have endometriosis, but suggests a semen analysis for BF first.

March 2012 –  Takes me months to convince BF to give a sample, but he finally does it. Results come back horrible! Low count, morphology and motility. We’re devastated.

Based on all the research I’ve done all year long, I know that our only hope is IVF… and not just IVF, but IVF with ICSI.

April 2012 – BF has a hard time accepting this. Despite the fact that I want to get started like yesterday, I decide that I need to give him time to digest this and we take a one month break where we don’t talk or think about TTC. I totally cheated, I thought obsessed about it all along 😉 I may or may not have thrown a few hints here and there :)

May 2012 – BF is finally ready to get started with this process (that one month ‘break’ was a good idea). We’ve changed REs and BF will give a new sample. I’ll go through all the fun stuff again with this doctor – sono, HSG, one month of cycle monitoring and will resume my relationship with ‘the wand’.

June 2012 – I did an HSG and the results were great – tubes not blocked and everything looks good. BF did a second Semen analysis and the results were still bad – low everything. We were told to try overpriced vitamins. Oh and just to keep things interesting, we’re now dealing with sperm DNA fragmentation of 70%. I had a silent meltdown when I understood what this meant.

Still excited to to start IVF/ICSI in August!

August 2012  (AKA ‘the month from hell’) –  Both BF and I are under extreme amount of stress… like insane amounts of stress. Decide to postpone IVF. Heartbreaking since we were so looking forward to this.

August September December here we come!!Let’s get this IVF show on the road!

January 2013 – present – Yes, I’m still very much alive and sadly, not a single step closer to becoming a mother. In fact, this hasn’t gotten better yet. We’re considering throwing in the towel at this point. We’ve really struggled but infertility has kicked our relationship’s ass big time! Maybe it didn’t really cause our issues, it just brought a lot of things to light.

Remember the first paragraph on this page? The part where I’m 35 and have to think about becoming a mother on my own? Scroll up, I’ll wait right here…

So that’s what I’m thinking about now… reaaaaalllly thinking about it…. maybe even planning and saving.

The direction of this blog may take a change soon :) Stay tuned!

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Joshua Cintron June 6, 2012 at 2:15 am

Hello,
Hang in there. My wife and I tried IVF three times over a five-year period. Two failed IVF attempts, $100K and a gestational carrier later, God finally answered our prayers.

This journey is long. It seems as though it never ends, but I’m here to tell you, you’ll have your child. I chronicled our journey in a book that I’ll be self-publishing.

Good luck,
http://www.joshuacintron.me

Reply

Elle June 6, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Thank you so much for the kind words Joshua!!

I love hearing success stories because they give me hope :) Congratulations to you and your wife! This whole infertility/IVF journey is indeed long and sometimes I find myself exhausted just thinking about it, but it is the most important battle I’ve fought so far.

I read your blog a few weeks ago and am looking forward to your book!

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Tania @momandbabybeautiful June 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Hi, Thanks for following me on twitter:) Love your blog! I understand all to well about IVF!

Best Of Luck! FX!

Reply

Elle June 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Thank you for the well wishes Tania!! I hope I have a success story like yours :)

Reply

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