It’s Now About Recreation Not Procreation

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by Elle on May 14, 2012

After getting the news back in March that there is actually a reason we’re not changing sticky diapers now and that infertility isn’t all in my head, we haven’t really been trying.

By that I mean that I haven’t been doing the following:

  • blowing my finances on ovulation tests
  • timing and coercing my BF into intercourse
  • standing on my head for 30 minutes afterwards
  • obsessing over imagined pregnancy symptoms
  • blowing my finances on HPTs, which result in a non-existent second line EVERY MONTH
  • hating AF (the red tide of disappointment) when she mocks my efforts by showing up like clock work

‘FUN’ was not on the schedule during TTC…

I have to say, this little TTC (trying to conceive) break has been fantastic! I didn’t know how crazy I was getting until I moved away from it for a while.

Intercourse stopped being fun 5 months into our TTC process. When AF showed her face every month, I became more determined to make this work. So I literally had a calendar of our ‘intercourse schedule’ for the month. My poor BF had no choice in the matter, we were on a strict schedule and every other day, we were getting it on! Even when he came home from work exhausted…

“You’re tired from a 12-hour-day at the office? Suck it up! You’ll be fine!”

Romantic huh?

Needless to say, intercourse wasn’t about having fun, it was just about making a baby. My motto was ‘we have time to make it fun again later’. BF deserves a gold star (or 15) for surviving that schedule.

By month 10 of TTC, I was starting to lose hope and felt like we’d never have a baby. I even started slacking on ‘the schedule’ – yeah, that’s how bad it got. Every month ended the same way and I was getting depressed about it. I felt like I would be on the edge of crazy if I had to get through another two week wait.

Feeling relieved after being diagnosed with infertility

A part of me actually felt relief when we got out infertility diagnosis. Despite my BF giving me examples of people who conceived after years of trying, I just knew in my heart that something was wrong and not knowing was killing me. When we finally discovered what it was, I actually felt closer to having a baby.

Sure, it sucked that we had to deal with a fertility challenge, but at least we had a game plan instead of blindly TTC.

I think this is the reason I was able to accept our issue and plan for IVF sooner than BF was. I already knew that something was wrong, he thought I was just being paranoid and was really caught completely off guard.

It’s about having FUN now

The last few months of our TTC break has made intercourse fun again! Woohoo!!!

Spontaneity is back and it’s amazing how much this has changed our relationship for the better. I didn’t realize how stressed TTC was making us until now. I know the chances of us conceiving that way is probably very close to zero, so I can just relax and enjoy it for what it is – recreation  not procreation 😉

I’ve packed away the the ovulation tests and calendar and hope to someday look back and laugh at the smiley faces on the day my ovulation test showed an LH surge.

These days, I just enjoy it. No need to stand on my head and fear having to pee for 3 hours afterwards. I pee when I wanna pee dammit!

How has  TTC or infertility diagnosis changed your relationship?

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