Clearly It Doesn’t Only Take ONE Time – We’re Proof

by Elle on May 10, 2012

Remember the high school sex education class most of us took? Remember how much they stressed the dangers of getting pregnant accidentally? Didn’t most of us walking away thinking that one wrong move and you could get pregnant?

I’d always wanted to be a mother, but I knew I wasn’t ready in my 20’s. Although I took BCPs for a short period of time, I got worried about the effects they could have on my hormones and got off 7 years ago … talk about paranoia.

I want to laugh at myself when I think about this now, especially when I hear about women accidentally getting pregnant while on the pill or getting pregnant the first month off.

“It only takes one time”

This was my mantra until last year when my BF, of two years, and I decided that we’d like to start trying to conceive. I should probably tell him more often, but he is truly an amazing man… so amazing that he manages to put up with my frantic episodes 😉 He seriously needs a medal for that!

Back to my naivete – we made the decision in January 2011 and I expected to try no longer than 2 months… after all, doesn’t it only take one time.

Not so my friends, not so!

We tried all the way until June when I started to get worried panic. I spent a fortune on OPKs (which confirmed that I ovulate on cycle 14 or 15 every month) and HPTs, which looked like this every single month:

My last HPT. Can the lack of a second line be any more obvious?

I refused to do the whole BBT thing. Something about waking up at exactly the same time to check my temperature didn’t sit well with me… in other words, I was too lazy. I figured the OPKs along with ovulation cramps were good enough.

By December, I was out of control with my panic. Despite my BF telling me that we just needed to give it time, I need to know for sure. I had my first appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) who prescribed every possible uncomfortable test possible. To say that I got ‘wanded’ more times than I care to describe is an understatements.

A month of cycle monitoring and all the other wonderful tests came back fine. The only step now was explanatory surgery to rule out endometriosis.

After months and months, BF finally agreed to give a sample for a semen analysis in March… only to keep me from having to do surgery (gotta love that guy).

The results were devastating…

Low everything… like everything!

Low count (less than 7 million), love morphology and low motility. I was crushed and what was worse was that I had to deliver the news to him that evening. It was a heartbreaking moment.

He wasn’t expecting this at all. I was prepared for some type of bad news, I just wasn’t sure it would be this. Although I was gutted, I was glad that we still had a chance.

Seven million is better than no sperm. It meant that we still had options. Clearly the good old fashioned way was not one of them, but that was fine with me. I’d propped my butt up on enough pillows and timed enough ‘moments’ to last me a lifetime … I was ready to move on and want to go back to making that whole thing for recreational purposes 😉

It took my BF a bit longer to come to this conclusion.

I figured he needed time to digest this without being pushed to move on to the next step. I just had faith that he’d get there. Although he’s not much of a talker, he felt guilt and extreme sadness.

Despite ‘the TTC break’, I still thought about having a baby day and night and was eager to move on already…  patience has never been one of my strengths.   But I managed to keep my thoughts to myself and give him time… okay fine, I’m guilty of throwing a hint or two here and there.

He’s now ready to get this show on the road woo-hoo!! I never thought I’d be so excited go through IVF.

This brings us to where we are today – we switched REs and BF will provide a second SA just to confirm the results we had the last time. I’ll do another HSG and one month of cycle monitoring so this RE has an idea of how my body works and we’re hoping to get started with IVF and ICSI this summer!

IVF, here we come!

We know that our only hope is IVF with ICSI… we’re totally going to jump over IUIs. I can’t tell you how happy I am that we get to advance right into IVF. I just don’t think an IUI would be effective and I hate the thought of wasting more time.

Again, my patience issues.

BF, on the other hand, isn’t so excited. He hasn’t had a chance to learn as much as I have about IVF and he’s not a fan of doctors and clinics in the first place. He’s the type who’d rather do his own surgery (if he could) than see a doctor… so this should be interesting.

I’m so ready to get started with the injections, meds and everything else that comes with IVF, I just want us to end up with a healthy baby.

I’ve followed blogs and tweets (I’m on twitter too) of some amazing people who have gone through this journey. I’ve learned a tonne of stuff. There’s a real sisterhood through this process and it’s amazing. It makes me sad that many men, especially those having to deal male factor infertility, don’t have this type of support.

In any case our appointment is next week… let’s hope things keep moving forward.

Although I wish you didn’t have to, have you had to deal with fertility issues?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda May 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I absolutely love the humor on your blog! Husband and I are going through IVF now (our first one) and just had our transfer on 5/10. It sounds like we married the same guy! The whole male factor issue IS devestating and it was hard to cope with. My husband is also a very quiet and shows no emotions. IUI’s were a waste of time and I am glad that, because your lack of patience, you did not go through it. I went through double IUI for 5 months (that’s a total of 10!), imagine the constant dissapointment. We stopped because: 1) I was sooo bloaded from all the hormones that I thought I was going to explode! 2) I found that I tend to get a bit psychotic and 3)Reached a point where I got suicidal… that was our RED FLAG!

I also recently joined Twitter. I had never used it and kind of wanted to keep my stuff private and only visible to people who “get it”. So, I figured out how it worked and met tons of women going through the IVF Rollercoaster. It’s a nice escape and support. I just ran into you today, and it “follow”. Can’t wait to see your updates and support in any way I can.
GOOD LUCK! :)

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Elle May 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Thanks for reading Linda!! I felt like it was time for me to stop crying through infertility and try to find the humor in it.

Ten IUI’s in 5 months!? I’m so sorry you had to go through that cycle. I know the disappointed TTC month after month without any hope, I can only imagine what you went through having to go through all those IUI’s.

I wish you all the very best with your IVF and hope to follow your journey as well. I’m so amazed at the community on Twitter and various fertility blogs. It’s hard to discuss this with friends who have no idea the roller coaster ride infertility is and it’s comforting to know that there are others who are going through the exact same thing.

I’m not sure if I’m following you on Twitter. Please send me a message and let me know what your twitter username is… I’m so looking forward to following your journey!

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